I was at a retreat today, sitting in a guided meditation.
We were asked, “what does your heart want you to know?”
My heart started talking before I finished the question. “You don’t have to work so hard to protect me. I’m ok. Yes, I hurt. But I’m not fragile. Take the energy you use to hold your arms around me, even when they ache with fatigue, and laugh instead. Use the muscles to move. Your attention to sleep.”
I understood in that moment that my heart believes other parts of me and my life are suffering because I’m protecting it. Her. Overprotecting her. I didn’t know my heart felt that way. I thought she needed me. There’s so much we’re afraid of. But me it’s not me. Maybe it’s just me.
Next we were asked, “what does your body want you to know?
“Take care of me. Please take care of me,” it said in a small sad voice that had said those words many times, was used to being ignored, and did not expect this time to be any different.