The Isolation of Trauma
I've been rereading-or more accurately, re-listening to-The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I was struck by this passage, especially when applied to myself. What is it that I don't share with myself? What memories, guilts, and shames? And at what cost? Often it feels like the cost of remembering and speaking are the highest possible cost. Something to be avoided. But as I get older, I'm feeling the cost of keeping things hidden from myself. It's like I'm running a second memory system on the same battery, draining me of energy and focus twice as quickly, but I have no access to the memory system. Just the nagging feeling that I'm too tired, that I'm forgetting something.